In The News

Dateline New Jersey

Nine time Olympic gold medalist, Carl Lewis, has been officially ruled ineligible to run for a New Jersey State Senate position on the grounds he has failed to meet a four year residency requirement, prior to the date of the election for the office he seeks. And the NJ. Secretary Of State has ordered Lewis' name be stricken from the June Democratic primary ballot.

The secretary of state, who is also the lieutenant governor under Governor Chris Christie, noted in a fifteen page opinion that "Lewis said" he owns a home in California, has business offices there, was registered to vote there until recently and paid taxes there. Lewis said the ruling would be challenged and he told the Philadelphia Enquirer that Christie had tried to talk him out of running.

Lewis said "what's really clear to me is, first the Governor called and tried to talk me out of my race. Now he's trying to use his power to do it. I didn't realize I would be running against the governor in my 8th district race." The Christie administration told the paper that Lewis "misunderstood the talk."

Lewis, 49, grew up in New Jersey, has owned homes there since 2005, has been a volunteer track coach at his hometown high school since 2007 and has had a valid New Jersey driver's license since 2006.

The 8th district senate seat is currently held by a republican.

Note to Carl: Even though I have absolutely no sympathy for folks of the democratic persuasion, allow me to suggest you sign-up for the Rahm Emanuel pre-primary course on How To Beat Residency Requirements 101.

Note to Chris Christie: Perhaps you need to work on your communication skills. When politicians use their office for political games, their public always ends the losers.

The Royal Wedding

I really don't care. All sarcasm aside, I really REALLY don't care. While the purveyors of propaganda rave on and on (and on) about the nuptials of titular figureheads in a faraway land, closer to home events, like ever rising food and fuel prices, get a semi passing mention.

Note to Will: When you step out on Kate, don't make it with a nasty ugly hag like your daddy did.

A Royal Departure

It's official. Katie Couric is leaving CBS Evening News.

The crowned princess of propaganda told People Magazine about her future plans, "I am looking at a format that will allow me to engage in more multi-dimensional storytelling."

I can only assume that means she has grown tired of the single dimensional storytelling she has been purveying up until now.

With that, I'll bid Katie a fond A M F!!! (and I don't mean arrivederci my friend)

In Breaking News

The royal pain in the butt has released his long form birth certificate, at long last, and a pdf copy is available to anyone who might be interested. I am not.

First Party Secretary Soetoro said he realizes that not everyone will be satisfied by the release of the certificate, but said the political discourse could not be helped by "sideshows" and "carnival barkers" continuing to talk about the issue. (God knows enough time has passed since the issue was first raised that a forged document couldn't even be verified by carbon dating tests)

Note to The Donald: I think he's talking about YOU with the sideshow and carnival barker remarks. But then if he had said boardwalk barkers, I'd be positive. Then again, he might be suggesting that the 62 percent of the American people who are not convinced he was born in the U.S. have the mentality of sideshow freaks and carnival barkers. But then, I suppose that is no worse than being called a "birther," "truther" or "teabagger."

Note to self: You really need to avoid the news.

MikeH.

Gas Price Task Force

Now here is a stroke of true genius that should fall under the category; If ya can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bull-stuff. I know I'm baffled... sorta.

Feeling our pain, Barry (a true man of the people) is creating a task force to investigate whether or not there is corruption, fraud and price manipulations running rampant within the oil industry.

I'm still not the brightest bulb in the crayon box so I may have to work this out in long-hand; First Party Secretary Soetoro wants to be reelected in 2012, really really bad. So in a vain attempt to convince the American people that he really really is a good guy, now, and worthy of being more than a one term despot, he is ordering up an investigation into the cause behind the number one most major problem being faced by said Americans... gasoline prices. That should win him a couple hundred million brownie points.

OK!!! Now I see the first of what will no doubt be several bafflements. Even though the lame-stream media doesn't want to draw attention to this "minor" factoid; gasoline prices rank number two on the problem list. Skyrocketing FOOD PRICES holds the number one spot. But food and fuel both start with an "F" so I may see the source of their confusion.

For those of you who think I may be putting too much importance on food over gasoline, have a nice warm cup of gas with breakfast and see how your work-day goes. You CAN live without fuel. Food is a different story. So why isn't Barry creating a food price task force?

Anyway; back to gas prices, Barry, task forces and the liberal spreading of mayonnaise on a turd sandwich. While big oil is extorting millions upon millions out of our wallets, FPS Soetoro is forming a government investigative group which I'm semi sure will cost the American taxpayers millions, or more likely, billions out of our wallets over the course of numerous years. That IS the way government works after all.

So with millions (or billions) to be spent, what report could the gas price task force possibly produce? If it's anything like the volumes of mayonnaise coated pages found in Barrycare, the American people will never receive or know the outcome. And by then, gasoline will have attained the elevated status of the new version of the gold standard.

On the other hand, the GTF may determine that the conflict in Libya IS the chief cause for higher pump prices. Yeah, right!!!

Of course, we all know the truth of the matter. It's called G R E E D, but, somehow I suspect we will never see that as an official answer. Those folks over in the UAE know it. All the big wigs in big oil throughout the world know it. Bet your buns that every member of our government best (and worst) know it. Hell, even a dim crayon like me can figure it out.

And there's the truth of it. A few very greedy individuals who enjoy the or-gas-mic experience of power felt by making hundreds of millions of other folks dance to their sick little tune.

So if FPS Soetoro would send me just one percent of the total amount that will be spent on this task force, he would have the true answer to tell the American public, and I would be filthy, stinking rich beyond anyone's wildest dreams. And by the way, Barry, I prefer cash or PayPal. In Soetoro I do not trust.

MikeH.

Time To Make A Plan

In my neighborhood, gas is now up to $3.75 a gallon and there are folks ("experts") who claim it will increase 40 percent, nation wide, by Memorial Day. According to my calculator, that works out to around $5.50 a gallon. Higher in the six states, and the District Of Criminals, where gas is already at or above $4.00 a gallon.

I'm retired so I don't have to drive everyday. I can usually get by with only putting twenty or so miles on my truck in a two week period. My wife, on the other hand, drives 71 miles to and from work... A DAY!!! And here I got all pushed out of shape when I bought $15.00 worth of gas the other day and it didn't even fill the tank on my riding mower. You can bet your buns that my property will soon look like a two acre swatch of the old Ho Chi Minh Trail before I blow that kind of cash on something so frivolous again.

On a brighter note; the price of groceries at Wal Mart has been keeping up with gas prices. What you could buy a couple of months ago at four for a dollar you can now buy as one for five dollars. When the wife saw a package of beef ribs priced at twenty dollars, well, suffice it to say we will not be having ribs for Easter dinner. She did take note that at least one enterprising Wal Mart shopper had selected a whole roasted chicken from the deli department and polished it off before making it to checkout. And just tossed the bones on the floor, while cruising the aisles looking for other bargains.

I'm sure many of you have been reading / seeing in the news where thefts of large quantities (read: truck loads) of food items are being committed. And our little adventure into hyperinflation land is just in it's infancy... the tip of the proverbial iceberg as it were. And while gas and food prices are headed for the Moon, how many of you have seen a cost of living adjustment let alone one that will help you pay for the fuel to get to work or the adequate food to fuel YOU so as to complete that work?

I may have spent way too many hours with my head stuck in a bag of Elmer's Glue but I still believe we have a chance to prevent the looming train wreck that is America. We need to make a plan and we need to make it now. As they say in the old country; "schmooze runs down hill." Well, it's time for those of us who live in the valley to pump it right back up to the top. I'm suggesting a general strike. Shut it all down. No work, no school, no driving and no buying. We need to put a severe shock on the entertainment / hospitality / visitor industry. No ocean cruises, no Disneyland and no weekend getaways to a casino, horse or dog track. When big business, big money and the mob starts seeing a loss of revenue, you can be pretty damn sure they will bring a mountain of pressure to bare on government.

If this doesn't work, then we go to war. The only other alternative, as I see it, is to make our peace with God and take our chances as soup-bones in zombieland.

MikeH.

Lions And Tigers And A Goverment Shut-down. . . Oh My! ! !

In a little less than twelve hours, the government may shut-down if Congress can't come up with a budget plan to Barry's liking.

Leave me try to understand this; The government is threatening to close down the government, if the government can't agree on a government budget?

MSNBC's version of the news today asks the question, "How Would A Government Shut-down Affect You?" In their scenario, the first malady that will directly affect the rank and file American's among us is a delayed tax return from the IRS. National parks may have to close and the Smithsonian, and other national museums, may have to do likewise. On the flip side to that coin, government employees may be ordered to shut off their Blackberry phones.

Scare tactics usually don't work on me. They can keep my tax return. They can lock up the national parks and they can auction off all the old stuff in the national museums. But if the powers that are should be forced to order their hundreds of thousands of Umpa Lumpas to turn off their Blackberrys, dear God above, I may become suicidal!!!

Here's an idea; as the landlords of all things (mis) managed by the government, including the government itself, I think if they shut it down, we should repossess it... starting with the White House and the Capital Building. And kick all the freeloading vermin residing therein straight to the curb. And take their Blackberrys away in the process.

MikeH.